Please Stop Saying “You Complete Me”

To have a partner in life is a bonus, not a prerequisite to survival.


“You’re my other half.”

“My life began after I met you.”

“You complete me.”

No. Just, no. These bathetic, saccharine phrases may sound romantic at first pass. They’ve been written into narratives, scripts and screenplays. They’re repeated at our own friends’ wedding ceremonies as if they were plucked right out of the “How to Write the Perfect Wedding Vows” article on You may think I’m being cynical but I’m not; these phrases don’t offend me personally. They just evoke a major bout of, “Do these people truly believe this about themselves? Or, is this the best way they know how to write/speak romantically?” If its the latter, said offenders may be forgiven because I realize some of us pay more attention to wordage than others. I totally get it. But if there are masses of people in relationships who think they’re only half of something awesome, that to me, is a really big problem – societally speaking.

Bottom line: If you’re one half of something, you’re broken. Broken people should not be in relationships. They should be working on healing and becoming whole by knowing themselves.

I get that “You magnify my best self and also call attention to the areas I need to improve and together, we as a couple are extraordinary!” doesn’t quite roll off the syrupy tongue in the same way “You complete me” does.

And I know that “I can handle life without you but man, I really, really, really love experiencing things with the love of my life by my side.” doesn’t quite pack the same punch as “I can’t live without you.”

I held on to the hope that women younger than me were sure to embrace the importance of being whole. And then the Twilight series blew up and I became seriously concerned. I was concerned because Bella from Twilight is not cute. She’s pathetic. Perhaps you read the books too; if so, you also know the storyline is as pedestrian as they come but the real tragedy is Bella’s character. She was literally physically weak every time her guy left the room…she irked me to my core. She’s everything that is wrong with men and women who put too much pressure on equating self-actualization with their significant other. Had she said, “You complete me” in her wedding vows to Edward, I’d have believed her, sadly. But to have a partner in life is a bonus, not a prerequisite to survival.

If you need to idolize a fantasy couple, it needs to be Elizabeth and Mr.Darcy. Bella + Edward < Elizabeth + Mr. Darcy

What do you think? I’d love your thoughts – Chime in below please!

3 thoughts on “Please Stop Saying “You Complete Me”

  1. No one can “technically” complete you.

    But if anything I take its a deep way of saying I love you and from that love I feel whole. Its sweet.

    I’d rather hear that than my partner say “I complete me”

    There’s an this talk about being in a relationship with your self. That you should love your self first, and be perfectly fine by yourself.

    Very well. But wouldnt it better if we all said it would be nice to find the person that loves us the way we deserve and makes us not want to live without them? What could be better than that?

    In mature relationships especially with children your above all this pettiness. Your live for yourself obviously but the focus is your partner. You might lose yourself a little when your happy with someone who loves you acts like it. But so what they are worth it.


  2. Honestly, it’s weird and a little sad that these sweet gestures in your article are taken so literal. YOU miss the point.

    It’s sexy to be a little vulnerable and say these things. Wouldn’t you want to be missed? Don’t you want to feel needed deeply from tomorrow.

    If you want to be dry about it… we could all could live without the other. But would you want too? Life is great. But it ain’t that great. There is no greater meaning than the love you share with the other.


    1. No, I don’t find that type of needy vulnerability sexy at all….which is why I wrote this article from my own personal perspective. For me, sexy is: “I can live without you…but I definitely wouldn’t want to. Being with you brings so much extra joy, love and fun and I’m grateful I get to go through life with you every day!” It may not have the same romantic ring to it as “I couldn’t live without you” or “You complete me.” But that just isn’t cute to me.

      I constantly see men and women in relationships that they’re not happy in. And a lot of times, they stay in those relationships because they feel they NEED the other person for various reasons. You say that I take the “You complete me.” thing too literally but I actually think it’s other people who do. They say “sweet” stuff like that for years, and then when they fall out of love, they actually BELIEVE that they need the other person. The intentions are cute and sweet….but ultimately, I think this kind of unrealistic, rom-com stuff leads to unhealthy relationships.

      It’s not a phrase I ever have or ever will use in my relationship. But if it works for you and your significant other, then that is all that really matters!


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